-David A. Bednar
This week has been rough. I feel like I keep getting bad news left and right and that Satan keeps telling me that I will be a terrible missionary..It just feels like a punch to the stomach over and over again wanting me to not get back up ( Or in other words stop reading scriptures, praying etc.) Well jokes on him because I have been realizing that through these trials I have realized how strong I am..without them I don't think I would have known. Since I got my mission call though, I have had this seemingly long struggle with having one week that I will be super stoked and then another week be panicking thinking, " How will I EVER learn this language.." " How am I going to react on my mission when someone passes away when I can't deal with it here." Etc Etc.. BUT..Someone wise ( A good buddy haha) told me that when things get hard.. Thats how you KNOW you are doing what is right. Satan doesn't want you to do what is right. He will keep finding weak spots.. But Heavenly Father is on your side.. And guess what..he is Superman.
Today was my first day as the new Chorister for my singles ward..oh boy. When I got called to meet with brother Naylor and got called as chorister I was so shocked that I even asked, " Are you sure??" He asked, " Don't you play the violin?" Yes, yes I do.. but that is literally all by ear.. I lost any musical theory I had in high school haha. I seriously just listen to a song and play it on the violin.. So he even let me go and think about it and said to text him before this Sunday but I of course just got home and was laughed at by my Dad and sent a text saying that I accepted the call. Hey, God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called! Leading music can't be that hard...
I was driving in a blizzard on the way to church and literally was having a panic attack just thinking about how if I am late now I will have to walk all the way to the front center stage.. I guess this is also Gods way of saying, " Can't be late to church anymore!" Anyways, I obviously was praying like crazy that with my speeding I wouldn't crash in the snow and die and that I wouldn't be late...And it was a ridiculous prayer but an answered one because I had ten minutes to spare haha. Wow. And guess what.. I Lead the music! Like a boss.. Just kidding I am pretty sure I messed up a few times but nobody looks at the Chorister.. I hope. Today was ward conference so we had the Stake presidency with us. After leading the music I went to sit down next to my friends after the sacrament and was relieved that I could sit and listen for a little. We had the most beautiful musical number where a guy sang Homeward Bound and I was just an absolute mess.. Not only do I get emotional whenever someone sings or plays the piano, but this song was sang at Matthew Peters funeral in high school.. And I always think of it whenever I hear that song. So here I am crying when I get called up randomly to bare my testimony. I was shocked but knew I couldn't just sit there all hesitant so I got right up and went to the pulpit totally confused as to why I just got called up there. And this is how it went.. I cried. And cried. I was still getting myself together from remembering Matthew's funeral and that beautiful song. I began to bare my testimony about how excited I was for my mission and how I have put my trust in Heavenly Father. I also explained how life can be messy..But that he has a perfect plan for all of us and that we will have peace when we are doing what is right and confusion when we are doing zigzags in our path.. Honestly, I have no idea what I said. Sacrament ended and I was introduced to people and hugged by people who thanked me for my testimony. In the classes following Sacrament I was so extremely shocked to find the Stake Presidency quoting me and altering their discussions and adding what I said. I was greeted by this one woman ( I should know her name) who said, " You are too wise for your age. I will be changing my conference talks from the points you gave." And I am just standing there like, " What did I say?" The Stake President taught a lesson and then told me that I would be referred to as the, " Messy girl" forever.. What did I do? So confused haha. But this I later realized was a tender mercy given to me by Heavenly Father.. Not even necessarily to teach anyone.. If my testimony did help someone that is awesome! But, I think he wanted me to hear my own testimony out loud and say, " See Ash? It's there.. And you can share it. You already are a missionary." He knows that I have been struggling for the past week feeling inadequate..feeling like I will be the worst missionary. But to go up there on the spot and trust completely in Heavenly Father to help me know what to say showed me that he WILL guide my words on my mission.. With the spirit present I WILL know what to say. I have NEVER gone up to the pulpit without rehearsing my testimony and thinking of a story to share first.. it is a super cool experience letting the spirit just take over. Today I felt like a missionary and I was able to regain confidence that I CAN do this. My testimony is there and I am ready to share it with every single person I pass on the streets in Trujillo Peru.
No comments:
Post a Comment